I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
