Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
