I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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