Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
