Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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