I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
