So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
