Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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