I showed him my bush... on skype.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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