Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
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There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
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He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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