So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i was born a porn star she said
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
