my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
should my penis look like a turkey
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
there is glitter all over my balls
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
