Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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