i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
