6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i came on her dog
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
