I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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