so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
