Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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