She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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