There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
