i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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