weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
