It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
