Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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