So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
