very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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