I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
