Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
