somebody snuck up and got me drunk
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
