So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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