Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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