Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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