Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
