their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
