if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
