I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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