I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
