she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Randomize
