Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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