just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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