Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
