she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
