There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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