ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
