She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
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