idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So gin and wine won't be happening again
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
