I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize