Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
