The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
