Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
