Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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