dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
