I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We are all done wearing pants today
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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