Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
