New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
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I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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At least life still wants to fuck me.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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