Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
