You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
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You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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