haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Drake has all the answers
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
