3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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