a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
