Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
