I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
