The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
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Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
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I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
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