Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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