so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
you never un-have a 4some
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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