you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
