I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
