would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
