had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
